Heads Full Of Holes, in X Rubicon

"but, when old or out of the brain wash, you realize all of that is crap, that you did it for oligarchs and corporate interests tied to the US and a skewed and insane US policy that still prevails..."

(excerpt from Heads Full Of Holes, in X Rubicon)

When looking back at this there is an attempt to calm myself with having followed orders, but the Nuremberg Judge stated it best that following orders is not an excuse. When a young man, you pride yourself with doing the President’s work, doing it all for the American People, for Freedom and Democracy; but, when old or out of the brain wash, you realize all of that is crap, that you did it for oligarchs and corporate interests tied to the US and a skewed and insane US policy that still prevails regarding social ideas, and US policy which supports right-wing fascist regimes and dictators exclusively around the world.

The faces have haunted my dreams for 40 years, and force a reckoning upon me. There are those who would say this is no more tragic than anything else… maybe not for them, because apparently they’ve never looked into pleading eyes with tears and pulled a trigger to blow someone’s brains out. There are those who would dismiss this as the nature of war, yet the US wasn’t at war even though the CIA was doing its’ best to conduct one for another country – this was 1981AD, not 1981BC, yet the governments and secret operators maneuvered like ancient court sycophants, battle lords, or even the pre-WW1 instigating French (Yes, the same French who instigated Vietnam and so many other imperial colonial wars). Yet this was being instigated by the US (Land of the Free, Home of the Brave) who had been instigated by the English and French to come to the colonial feeding table many times with weapons and force in hand (coconuts from the Philippines anyone?).

My shame, guilt, and sadness will never end, nor should they. Governments, politicians, and the majority of the US population will never feel anything over this, yet they all should. They will continue to send young men without developed frontal lobes into asinine situations to kill and destroy for ideological, not moral, reasons. Those young men will continue to pay the mental price of their actions for their entire lives, unless they succeed in ending their own life sooner. It would be sweet justice indeed if the disgraced President or Senator slit his own throat for pushing, ordering, and enabling these boneheaded plans instead of leaving the suffering to those who acted for them in good faith. But it’s not in the nature of a President or Senator to act that bravely, only talk bravely. — (excerpt from Heads Full Of Holes, X Rubicon)

Sean Griobhtha